Feeling Sunny (and PP#4)

The weather and my mood have been really sunny the last few days. I'm sure the weather has had something to do with my cheerful mood; I would never guess that it's February in Saint Louis right now - where's all that snow everyone warned me about? Not that I'm complaining - keep this beautiful weather coming! 

Besides the beautiful weather, this semester is just feeling so much better than last - despite my really rough start. For one, I don't feel as intimidated in my classes. Maybe that's because I made it through a semester and know I can do it. Maybe it's just the atmosphere in the classes. Maybe it's both. Regardless - not feeling intimidated goes a long way to my feeling good about class. Each class started with me knowing someone already, in fact two of my classes had two people I already knew in them. And in the two class sessions we've had so far, I've already started getting to know the other students and feeling comfortable around them. So that's a major plus for the semester. If I said that I felt entirely thrilled to have piles of reading to do and two discussions to lead next week, I'd be lying - but I'd also be lying if I said I was dreading my reading or classes. So I'm taking that as a major plus. 

I think one thing that's really helped is my weekly positive points, I find myself constantly thinking, "what will my next positive point be?" and it helps me stay positive. I knew I needed to change my frame of mind, but this seems to be the tool that works. For example, late last week I had a meeting that I went into feeling pretty good, but left feeling isolated. I am a loner - I really don't like getting together with people off campus that much - but I would like to feel comfortable with them on campus. Plus, I know it's mostly my fault, I'm just not good at striking up conversation or connecting with people here. But knowing that doesn't change that I felt uncomfortable and couldn't wait to get home. But, when I realized how down I was feeling, I started thinking, "how can I find a positive point in this?" I didn't find one - but trying to helped me not stay focused on how down I felt. 

I did come up with a PP #4 this week though - I really love most of what I'm assigned to read. This week all 3 of my assigned readings were really fascinating and filled with information I didn't know. I got sucked in and, if it weren't for the deadline, would have gotten lost in reading them. My only regret is that I have to read quickly to keep up with my assignments, but the exposure to so many new ideas and histories is really exciting! I know I wouldn't have had the opportunity to read so many new things (well new to me) if I had gone another route - so that's another reason I'm thankful I decided to come to graduate school!