Positive Point #1

Winter break is almost over, and before I get back to class, I have to say how nice its been to see most (though not all) of my friends. Last semester was tough to say the least, and its good to be home in a comfortable environment. I'm trying to boost myself for next semester by knowing that I made it through my first one with two As and an A- (I have never heard of final grades coming out in + or -, but apparently that's normal everywhere I've never gone before...). I'm really happy with those grades and I feel that, despite how uncertain and behind I felt, I must not have been.

I'm trying to remind myself of all that, because after reviewing 2 of my 3 syllabi for next semester I'm officially freaking out. Its as if last semester never happened and I feel as intimidated as I did my first day. Before I was done reading one of them my stomach was in knots and I was essentially having a panic attack. I don't know why I feel this way, but I have to get passed it. My friend suggested I make a New Year's Resolution to tell myself one, NEW, positive thing about grad school every day, so that I will change my mindset. I agree with her, that I need to find the positive. I can't, however, think of even 7 things right now. So, in the interest of being realistic and setting achievable goals, I'm going to come up with 1 a week, and make myself really believe it all week.

So - Positive Point #1 - I'm finally getting paid to go to school. I had to work 40+ hours a week (sometimes as many as 90), to put myself through undergrad (which I went full-time). That was hard; I never had time for myself, my family, or my friends. I was perpetually tired and so run-down that I felt sick all the time. Now, I don't have to work, because I have a generous fellowship that supports me and allows me to focus on my education without running myself into the ground. I know that I'm very fortunate to have the Chancellor's Fellowship and I can't miss out on this opportunity, no matter how difficult it may sometimes get.