PP #2 and #3 - Finding the bright side of a horrible week

Things have been incredibly crazy this last week, so I didn't get a chance to post my positive point (PP). I did, however, come up with one fairly easy. Positive Point #2 is that in grad school, my classes only meet 1 time a week. This was particularly positive this week, because I had to miss the first week of class. Our truck broke down and I've spent the past week anxiously working on it's repairs. We drove all through the night Sunday and only made it home Monday morning. By time we got the keys for the new apartment, got a few groceries, and brought everything from the truck into the apartment, I only had time to go to take a shower and get to class. I had a really hard time keeping my eyes open in class, but made it through. Then I came home and did homework for the two classes I have on Tuesday until I couldn't keep my eyes open. I woke up super early Tuesday and raced the clock to finish my assignments for Tuesday's classes. I made it, but barely, and certainly not at my best level. I managed to participate in class, but between being exhausted and barely prepared it was tough. But it would have been so much worse if I'd missed two classes instead of one. Hence PP#2.

In my hurry to complete my assignments I accidently sent an email without the attached book review. My professor told me just to send it to him when I got home, no problem. I got home and began to setup my computer, only to discover that for some reason my monitor wouldn't work. I tried fixing cables, replacing cables, opening up computer to fix graphics card, etc - in the end it seems that when the computer got wet back in the move in August it actually did take some damage. It just took several months to manifest itself as a slowly destroyed mother board. Anyway - I emailed my professor from my phone at 2am to tell him that I'd have to get to a public computer in the morning to email in the paper. Thankfully there's a library directly across the street from me, so that was easy to do this morning. And thankfully, my professor was extremely understanding. In fact, sensing my distress over how horribly things have started this semester, he suggested that I come by to talk and get back on track. Needless to say, this brings me to PP#3 - having an amazing, understanding, and concerned advisor. I don't know how I would have responded to a student screwing up so much in a matter of a week, but he hasn't batted an eye. He just wants to help me move past it! I'm very fortunate - I've heard horror stories about advisors who are the complete opposite.

Anyway - to wrap up my story - I have a new computer and I'm only down a little more than $300 (though with the truck repairs this has been a very expensive month). We still haven't moved much into the apartment, with all the drama of trying to get the computer operational and getting to classes. Plus it was raining today. But - we braved the rain so that I could get my bed (we had a cover to keep it from getting wet) and I'll finally be sleeping in a bed tonight!! So excited after a grabbing a few hours Sunday night in the truck and sleeping on the floor Monday and Tuesday night. And with that - Goodnight!

Positive Point #1

Winter break is almost over, and before I get back to class, I have to say how nice its been to see most (though not all) of my friends. Last semester was tough to say the least, and its good to be home in a comfortable environment. I'm trying to boost myself for next semester by knowing that I made it through my first one with two As and an A- (I have never heard of final grades coming out in + or -, but apparently that's normal everywhere I've never gone before...). I'm really happy with those grades and I feel that, despite how uncertain and behind I felt, I must not have been.

I'm trying to remind myself of all that, because after reviewing 2 of my 3 syllabi for next semester I'm officially freaking out. Its as if last semester never happened and I feel as intimidated as I did my first day. Before I was done reading one of them my stomach was in knots and I was essentially having a panic attack. I don't know why I feel this way, but I have to get passed it. My friend suggested I make a New Year's Resolution to tell myself one, NEW, positive thing about grad school every day, so that I will change my mindset. I agree with her, that I need to find the positive. I can't, however, think of even 7 things right now. So, in the interest of being realistic and setting achievable goals, I'm going to come up with 1 a week, and make myself really believe it all week.

So - Positive Point #1 - I'm finally getting paid to go to school. I had to work 40+ hours a week (sometimes as many as 90), to put myself through undergrad (which I went full-time). That was hard; I never had time for myself, my family, or my friends. I was perpetually tired and so run-down that I felt sick all the time. Now, I don't have to work, because I have a generous fellowship that supports me and allows me to focus on my education without running myself into the ground. I know that I'm very fortunate to have the Chancellor's Fellowship and I can't miss out on this opportunity, no matter how difficult it may sometimes get.