That being said, things have gotten a lot better. I'd say the main change is my frame of mind - I've stopped putting so much pressure on myself. Not that I don't want to do well - of course I still do - but I'm no longer telling myself "grad school is your only option." It's funny - as soon as told myself that if I didn't want to get my PhD (or wasn't able to) it was okay, I started to regain confidence that it I belong here (and that I can do it). Also important to my reversal - I met with my adviser. I should have done that a while before, but I was embarrassed I guess, by the feeling that I wasn't doing well. But the time finally came that I had to, and I'm so glad I did. He gave me some positive feedback and helped me see that I'm not doing so badly after all. That's not to say I'm doing perfectly - I'm most certainly not - but at least I know I'm on the right track and not failing out.
The problem I'm having right now is motivation. I'm so used to a schedule that has no wiggle room, so this schedule that is so open is actually difficult for me to manage. It's too easy to tell myself that I'll have time later, because I have more time than I've ever had before. I'm trying to force myself into a schedule as if I had work and class all the time again, so that I'll be more productive. Even with my lack of motivation, I'm keeping up with my weekly assignments. I just know that I'm getting a little behind of where I would ideally be for my end of semester papers. I'll figure it out I'm sure - it's a funny thing though - who'd have thought that having too much time would be a problem?
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