Thinking about next semester

Over the last couple weeks I had to look at classes and register for next semester. What a frustrating process, at least when compared to Undergrad! As an Undergraduate I had a 2 majors and 2 minors to fulfill requirements for, but at least I knew what I needed to take. Each major/minor had a set of required courses (or ranges of courses) and I kept track of what I had taken and knew what I still needed to take. I could easily see how many more semesters I needed to complete my requirements. I knew that if I took a heavy load in 1 semester I could get out earlier.

How I wish it was remotely close to that as a Graduate student. I know that before I finish with my PhD I'll need 72 graduate credit hours - no more, no less - but how many of those do I need to have completed before I can do my exams? How many hours do I earn while working on my dissertation, if any? I know that it usually is two years of course work and then the third year is exams - but if I'm taking the required 3 courses a semester (12 hours), I won't get to 72 hours until I've finished 3 years. Can I take courses over the summer? I hope so - because I really want to go through this as quickly as possible, plus my income depends on it. I was under the impression when I chose WashU that I'd have work to do over the summer, but now I'm starting to wonder. That aside - what should I take? What can I take? Does anything I pick count toward those hours? Or am I wasting my time in other courses? How I wish there was a guide that said "take any combination of these courses to get these hours before you begin your exams."

Anyway - that frustration aside, I've picked my three classes for next semester and I seriously hope they're useful to me in the long run. They sound interesting, and I'm pretty sure two of them will really be useful for my long term goals. But the last one, well I'm not so sure. When I asked my advisor if I should take it and what my other options were (because there really were no other courses that I saw good for me to take) he said he thought it was my best option. But is it my best option because there's nothing else? or because it's actually going to help me? I think the hardest thing about Graduate school is not the course work, but the confusion and the uncertainty that I'm constantly plagued by. I want to know what I have to do, so that I can know that I'm actually moving forward towards a goal. Right now, I have no idea - I might be treading water, barely keeping my head above. Or - I might be swimming along nicely. Whichever it is, I wish I knew.

Its Been Awhile...

I've been away from my blog for a while, so I thought I'd do I quick update. I had stopped writing for a little bit at first because I was having a rough time and didn't want my blog to become a place where all I do is complain. 

That being said, things have gotten a lot better. I'd say the main change is my frame of mind - I've stopped putting so much pressure on myself. Not that I don't want to do well - of course I still do - but I'm no longer telling myself "grad school is your only option." It's funny - as soon as told myself that if I didn't want to get my PhD (or wasn't able to) it was okay, I started to regain confidence that it I belong here (and that I can do it). Also important to my reversal - I met with my adviser. I should have done that a while before, but I was embarrassed I guess, by the feeling that I wasn't doing well. But the time finally came that I had to, and I'm so glad I did. He gave me some positive feedback and helped me see that I'm not doing so badly after all. That's not to say I'm doing perfectly - I'm most certainly not - but at least I know I'm on the right track and not failing out. 

The problem I'm having right now is motivation. I'm so used to a schedule that has no wiggle room, so this schedule that is so open is actually difficult for me to manage. It's too easy to tell myself that I'll have time later, because I have more time than I've ever had before. I'm trying to force myself into a schedule as if I had work and class all the time again, so that I'll be more productive. Even with my lack of motivation, I'm keeping up with my weekly assignments. I just know that I'm getting a little behind of where I would ideally be for my end of semester papers. I'll figure it out I'm sure - it's a funny thing though - who'd have thought that having too much time would be a problem?