First Day of Class...Epic Fail!!

So yeah.... I was very excited for my first class. It's on a topic that I'm personally very interested in (Medieval/Early Modern Nuns) and I loved the reading. To make sure I was really prepared I read it twice and I had all kinds of thoughts and notes. Then I got to class and I froze!!! It may have been all the experienced grad students in the room, it may have been that the professor is also my adviser (meaning a little more pressure, at least in my mind), or that I ended up sitting right next to him --- regardless of the reason though --- I froze. Suddenly everything I had thought seemed really stupid. So I proceeded to spend 3 hours with "Say this... no that's stupid... oh shit you should have said that - she just said it and it sounded good... well say this... no that's stupid" running through my head.  Anyone who's ever taken classes with me before knows that's so not like me! I'm usually very vocal, not at all intimidated, and basically fearless about contributing. When class ended I was so frustrated and then, to make matters worse, my professor says "you need to talk next time Kimberly." Yep - epic fail. 

So walking home I beat myself up and I tossed and turned all night. This morning I decided to text my mentors, because they're the only people I know who've ever been to grad school and they know me well enough to know that not talking in class is not like me. Thank goodness I did - she calmed me down, helped me to realize 1 bad class is not that big of a deal, and restored my confidence. I've just never felt so out of my league before - but as she said "remember they chose you and you can do this!" So with a little restored confidence I will be going to my second graduate class today at 3 - Advanced Feminist Theory - and I seriously hope it goes better than last night!

Just a little overwhelemed

After getting settled into my apartment I turned my attention to school. While I'm on track to get started next week (the 30th!) the more information I get, the more confused I get. The only thing that I left feeling less confused was my meeting with Dr. Bornstein. I met with him on Friday and left knowing that I could register for classes now and I sort of knew what I was signing up for. One of my classes I had to email the instructor to get permission to enroll - which she gave me and when I called her admin to finish enrolling she had already done it -so that was really easy. Another one of my classes was in the process of transforming from a half grad / half undergrad class to 2 separate classes. After many emails trying to figure out when we'll meet I now know that I have that class Tuesdays at 5:30 -8:30. My third class I simply registered for - no problems there. So I have class Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for a few hours each. 

I have to say - I've never had such an empty schedule before. Three classes, 1 time a week each?!? I'm sure I'll be thankful though - as the workload will be immense I'm sure - for 3 reasons: (1) everyone who has been to grad school tells me it's harder than anything I've ever done before; (2) I already have reading assignments from 2 out of 3 of my classes! and (3) I just dropped over $350 on 28 books for 3 classes! So yeah feeling a little overwhelmed... For one, I was NOT prepared to spend that much on books (why? because I'm dumb - after 5 years in school you'd think I'd know better). Two - one of my reading assignments for next week I don't actually know how to get to yet! I emailed my peer mentor and she's amazing so I'm sure she'll tell me, but in the meantime, worried! 

Meanwhile...I had orientation on Monday - which I assumed I would leave feeling more oriented. Not so much... instead I was given a ton of information that I didn't even realize I was missing that I now have to process and deal with. For example, I have to pay quarterly taxes on my stipend - taxes are not automatically deducted like a paycheck. I sat there in utter terror, because my first payment has to go out September 15th and I had no idea how much I was going to have to pay. (I went home and worked the worksheets - only need to pay a little over $100 so it's okay - but still I was terrified...) Then the health insurance information is still confusing me - I have coverage as of August 1st, but I'm not showing as registered (hearing that worries me, because I should be...) so I'm not really in the system, etc. I'm gradually sifting through all this new information and getting it under control but talk about overwhelming. 

Here's hoping that Monday's History department orientation actually serves to orient, rather than further confuse...

Moving woes and Trucks with Superman capes!

So after months of waiting and planning, I finally left Texas. You'd think with all that planning time things would've gone better... for starters my packing procrastination made it a really rough couple of weeks for me. I spent most of the first week trying to say goodbye, which sent me home in tears more than once. The second week was packing to all hours of the night (bc I was still working until Friday the 12th, leaving me mainly evenings to pack). In the process of packing I somehow seriously hurt my left knee, making it pretty much impossible to move quickly at all :-( I just hope its nothing serious and will mend itself.
Friday my wonderful brother and boyfriend came over to load everything.  When they saw the pile of boxes they both were pretty sure it wasn't all going to fit. My brother even asked "are we making 2 trips to St. Louis?"  Despite their skepticism, basically everything made it in. Yay! Then it was time for the hardest goodbye of all, my stepson. I love him so much and I know he's going to be just fine with us moving far away - we'll talk all the time and visit a lot - but I still hated to see him cry. And I know it tore my boyfriend up. Sometimes the right decisions are also the hardest.
Let me fast forward to Saturday morning at 4:45am when I was getting ready to leave (@5) and my brother says "Kim, I think its raining!" WTF!?! It hasn't rained for 45+ days and it decides to pour the morning I move? What's best - we decided not to buy a tarp when we saw the prices and the truck was sitting in the rain at that moment. So me and my boyfriend run outside, take my moms car out of the garage and back the bed of the truck in for some cover. Then we run to Walmart to buy a tarp. Only this one doesn't have them - it only has car covers - but since they are water repellent we decide to buy one and make it work. It was entirely too big though and we couldn't get it to stay tied down in the back. We had to stop 3x to fix it before we gave up and said whatever isnt covered is going to be ruined. So, until we took it off in Oklahoma, where it was no longer raining, we had what could best be described as a Superman cape on our truck. It'd be funny if I wasn't worried about all my stuff being destroyed, but I bet it will be someday.
From there the trip went pretty smooth (except somehow my data turned off and I had no GPS) and we made it safely. Unfortunately me and my mom bigtime miscalculated how far out this resort were staying in was from St. Louis, so when we arrived after 12 hours on the road tempers were kinda hot. Thankfully this place is beautiful and we're enjoying so much needed r&r. Hopefully the drive to St. Louis and moving in will be a little smoother.